He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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