you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
