i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
