We're like a lot better than the average bears
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
