im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
