can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
