Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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