i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
