my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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