There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
