you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
