I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
