I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
