Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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