this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
