sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
