Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
