going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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