Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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