Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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