I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
