Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
