the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
