Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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