Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
from now on my penis is your penis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
