I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
