it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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