I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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