Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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