Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
