can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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