Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
