I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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