and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
