Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
