I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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