I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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