True but thats because hes a fetus.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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