So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i came on her dog
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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