Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
