pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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