We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
