The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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