My liver just broke up with me...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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