I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
