He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
