u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
