Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
