i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
