I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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