those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
