i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
