If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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