we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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