i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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