I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
