is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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