and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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