please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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