is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
