I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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