oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
