shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bring money and cleavage
We talked him into tasing himself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
