Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
