the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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