if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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