so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
